I haven’t had much time lately between one disaster after another in my football world. I’d like to visit a friend, go for a walk, have a cup of tea with someone, talk about something other than football but it’s rather curious how one can get so wrapped up in something to the extent that there really doesn’t seem to be any life outside it.

I wonder how other people manage combining interests and socialising and jobs and parenthood. I used to think that I was pretty good at it but now I know I’m not.

I’m already getting that gnawing feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach at the thought of how I’m going to manage with three children on Easter holidays for the next fortnight and a club that is dependent on me being available because of staffing problems.

I remember when I had a proper job and felt huge frustrations with how the company was being run. I voiced those frustrations. I was the bolshy one who would tear into the MD’s office and tell him what he was doing wrong and what he should be doing. The boot is on the other foot now and I feel sympathy for my previous employers. It’s no fun shouldering the responsibility of an organisation, being the one who has to sacrifice a personal life. Employees can take their one hour lunch break, leave when 5pm comes, not give the company a second thought as they travel home to catch Emmerdale. Being in a position of power is not all it’s cracked up to be. Why would anyone want it?

I want my life back. It’s a bit like my garden.

I can’t decide what to do with the front garden. I took half an hour off yesterday to go to a garden centre and just couldn’t decide what would look best in the beds beneath my hedge. It’s very shady and nothing that produces beautiful blooms grows there. Virtually all the plants that caught my eye required full sun. And of course there’s a good reason for that. What on earth that is pretty and strong and makes people feel good could possibly thrive beneath a hedge in a dark area? You place a lovely plant in such a place and of course it’s going to die. If I were a plant placed in such a spot, I’d feel very sad and neglected and long to grow arms and lever myself out of the ground and hop across to the sunny spot by the front door where the roses and clematis are basking in all their glory.

Well, I bought some plants that apparently will do alright in a shady area but as I glance out the window at the sunshine, I’m not sure that I can bear to subject them to a life under a hedge.